


Not in the Job Description

by ExtraPenguin



Category: The Goblin Emperor - Katherine Addison
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Tentacles, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 19:07:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7813639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExtraPenguin/pseuds/ExtraPenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A merchant sells His Serenity a device that he promises will be safe and relaxing. Telimezh is sent to investigate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not in the Job Description

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zhisanin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zhisanin/gifts).



Telimezh opened the door with trepidation. The merchant had assured them all that his ware was both safe and relaxing, but someone still had to investigate more thoroughly before His Serenity would be allowed near. Some of his colleagues in the Untheileneise Guard had already done a cursory check of the room the merchant had installed his ... apparatus? in, but had refused to report beyond it not being dangerous.

Telimezh scanned the room. The whitewash on the walls was fresh, and the only furniture in the room was a massage bench and a chest in the corner. The bench looked nonthreatening, so Telimezh chose to start his investigation with the chest.

He took two steps before a voice spoke, startling him hugely. “Hello? Are you here to investigate us?”

After he regained his composure and got his heart rate back under control, he saw that what he had thought was a chest was instead a large tank of water with a ... thing inside. It had no ears or hair, but was instead an ovoid bulb with two mournful eyes and – Anmura's balls, were those _tentacles_? Truly, Telimezh had now seen it all.

“A merchant has sold His Serenity, Edrehasivar VII Zhas, something he claimed was both safe and extremely relaxing. The thing should be situated in this room. We don't suppose you would have noticed it?” Telimezh asked. _Concentrate on the practicalities. The sensation of wrongness will subside; do your duty first._ That's how he'd adapted to Kiru.

The thing wobbled its tentacles morosely. “Was the merchant perhaps Mer Palnar? We were caught from the sea by a goblin sailor who sold us to Mer Palnar. We have lived in this tank for months.”

That was certainly a complication. “We are certain that His Serenity could finance your return to the sea”, Telimezh said. He felt a twinge of guilt at making promises on behalf of His Serenity, but he was sure that His Serenity would fall over himself trying to get the creature to its home.

Again, morose wobbling of tentacles. “Our clan will have moved away by then. We would be doomed to a short, lonesome life, away from our kith and kin.” It seemed to deflate somewhat at being reminded of its sad fate.

“Perhaps a position at court?” Telimezh suggested. “Forgive us, we have been remiss in the social niceties. We are Lieutenant Zharu Telimezh, Second Nohecharis to His Serenity Edrehasivar VII Zhas.”

“We are Dhatal of Clan Tsoghat. Mer Palnar called us Thata.” Again, morose wobbling of tentacles. “We fear we have no useful skills. Mer Palnar intended for us to be a masseur, but we do not think such a position would be available.”

Telimezh tasted the unfamiliar sound at the start of Dhatal's name. “M- ah, would you be Mer Dhatal or Min Dhatal?” he asked, embarrassed. Hopefully not Merrem. Bad enough that Dhatal have been taken away from home; to imagine a husband and children left wifeless and motherless... Abominable.

“Min Dhatal”, she said. Telimezh chose to interpret the accompanying wiggling of tentacles as being pleased.

“Min Dhatal, we believe that His Serenity would gladly create the position of Court Masseuse for you”, Telimezh declared. Gods knew that His Serenity could do with a massage.

Now the wiggling of tentacles was definitely pleased. She also changed color from an orangey-brown to an orangey-pink. A blush, perhaps? “Thank you, Lieutenant Telimezh!” she said. “Though we do think that we should practice our skills first, before we are to help His Serenity. Would you care for a massage?”

“Certainly”, Telimezh said, thinking of his stiff shoulders. Kiru had produced a balm that produced a hot-then-cold tingling sensation when rubbed on the skin, but that did not provide more than temporary reprieve.

“Remove your baldric, please, Lieutenant”, Min Dhatal said excitedly.

Telimezh complied with her instructions, stripping to the waist and then lying down on the massage bench.

The sensation of tentacles was odd, certainly. Min Dhatal was also an excellent masseuse, what with her tentacles being more bendable than human hands and her having more than two of them. Press by press, she found all the kinks in Telimezh's spine and tightnesses in his muscles, and slowly set them right. Telimezh lay down, enjoying the treatment, and occasionally making pleased noises.

By the time Min Dhatal was done, Telimezh was half-asleep. Relaxed and feeling better than he had since Dazhis' betrayal, Telimezh profusely thanked her and went to report his findings to His Serenity.

**Author's Note:**

> Remember, kids: in reality, octopodes are solitary critters. It is still bad manners to abduct one from its natural environment. Sore/stiff shoulders are best cured by exercise. The "dh" is pronounced like the "th" of "this".

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Not in the Job Description, take three](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8332264) by [ExtraPenguin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExtraPenguin/pseuds/ExtraPenguin)
  * [Not in the Job Description, take two](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8332249) by [ExtraPenguin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExtraPenguin/pseuds/ExtraPenguin)




End file.
